Parisian Sensuality: Soft-Baked Pretzels

What can I say about Paris that hasn’t already been said?

Rather than potentially bore you with stories about the fabulicious time I had in The City of Lights with Brit-Girl (shout out!!!) and her crew of très chic friends, how about I discuss something you might not readily read on the regular (particularly on a food-related blog)????

Something like taunt, agile, smooth and out-of-this-world gorgeously, minimally clad, French burlesque dancers demonstrating their extraordinary talents for making old women boil over with a nostalgic crave for their younger, more sensual days while simultaneously tempting heterosexual males to feel….????  Oh yeesss.  You guessed it and I’m too much of a modest person to say it here.

It was my idea to go to the burlesque show.  If you knew me (well) then this would come as absolutely no surprise.  The ladies at the Crazy Horse performed the most classy, aesthetically pleasing, awe-inspiring and temperature-rising show for the most appreciative audience I have ever seen.  Each woman (and all 5’11 inches of her frame, over half of which is leg) gave her audience an opportunity to transcend our earthly habitat and temporarily enter her sparkly, bejeweled world of enchantment and sexuality.

There was one performer who, for me, really made an ‘impact.’  In red 5” heels and a black, full-body spandex (well…the chest area was completely missing some spandex material) she deliberately, vigorously and delicately thrashed/danced/spun in the air above the stage, intertwined in thick red rope.

Wow.  Wow.  Wow.

As I sat there nervously gulping down my champagne as if it was water, I couldn’t help but think about how flexible this performer was.  She was SO flexible.  She could twist her body into positions I didn’t think was possible.  This woman and her limber limbs reminded me of a….pretzel?

I have had the worst craving for a pretzel since my time in Paris and I have finally done something about it.  Below is a recipe for a pretzel.   To say the least, I have thoroughly enjoyed every bite of my chewy, soft-baked pretzels.  Dipped in a little mustard??  Gives me heart palpitations.

Soft-Baked Pretzels

Soft Baked Pretzel

Based on Alton Brown’s Soft-Baked Pretzel Recipe

Serves 7

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups warm water
1-tablespoon sugar
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 package active dry yeast
2 cups of whole-wheat pastry flour
2 cups of all-purpose flour
2 ounces unsalted butter, melted
Some vegetable oil
10 cups water
2/3 cup baking soda
1 large egg yolk beaten with 1 tablespoon water
Fleur de Sel (or pretzel salt if you have it)

Directions:

In a standing mixer, combine the water, sugar and yeast.  Let sit for 5 minutes or until yeast foams at the top of the water.

With the mixer on low (and the dough hook on), slowly add the flour.  Then add the salt.  The dough should completely come off the sides and there should be a ball around the dough hook.  Let mix on low-medium for 5-6 minutes.  If dough is sticking to sides, add a little bit more flour a tablespoon at a time.

Remove the dough from the mixer and put in a well oiled bowl and let rise for about 1 hour or until doubled in size.

In a large pot, bring 10 cups of water and baking soda to a boil.  In the meantime oil 2 large cookie sheets lined with either parchment paper or silpat.  Cut the dough into 7 pieces.  Take one of the pieces and roll out into a rope about 24 inches long.  Then, put the rope into the shape of a U.  Holding the ends of the end, cross them over each other and then press them into the bottom of the U.  Do this to the rest of the dough.

Pre-heat the oven to 450 degrees.

Once the water comes to a rolling boil, add the pretzels one at a time for about 1 minute.  Remove from water and place on the cookie sheet.  Brush each pretzel with your egg wash and sprinkle with salt.  Place pretzels in oven for 13-15 minutes.  Let cool for 5 minutes and then enjoy!

Tags: Burlesque, Crazy Horse, france, paris, soft-baked pretzels

Category: Dessert, Europe, Featured Articles: Travel & Culture, Recipe Vault, Sides, Sauces, and Breads, Travel & Culture, US & Canada